Da Bears Bulletin

The Shrine

Ben Johnson, Head Coach & Poet Laureate

After the Bears came back to beat Green Bay 31–27 in the NFC Wild Card round at Soldier Field, Ben Johnson walked into the locker room and delivered the finest speech in Chicago history since the Gettysburg Address (which was not given in Chicago, but should have been).

"F*** the Packers! F*** 'em!"

— Ben Johnson, Soldier Field locker room, January 2026. He was asked to apologize. He did not.

0
Apologies issued"I don't like that team." Chairman George McCaskey reportedly agreed.
1
Handshakes with LaFleur that qualified as a flyoverThe man treated it like an O'Hare go-around.
31
Points dropped on Green Bay in the playoffsAlso the number of times Minnow has said "we'll get 'em next year."
∞
Packers players who called him a "troll"Close. Trolls live under bridges. Packers fans live under .500 vibes.

Fuck 'em · On loop

Straight from the Bears' own locker-room video. Twenty seconds. On a loop. Forever. Fuck the Packers.

Watch the full locker-room speech →

Wild Card Weekend · Soldier Field · On Loop Forever

Grate Expectations

Now grating

Last January, Chicago showed up to the Wild Card game with cheese graters. Fans grated actual cheese in the stands, and the foam grater-hat maker sold out with back orders into March.

After the 31–27 comeback, Caleb, DJ Moore and Colston Loveland wore the hats on the postgame show while Caleb grated a block of cheese on live TV. Wisconsin is still not over it.

Caleb shreds cheese postgame Grater hats on Prime Packers fan grief gallery

On every Bears sleeve since 1984

Papa Bear Is Watching

George Stanley Halas founded this franchise in 1920, coached it for 40 seasons, and hated Green Bay before hating Green Bay was cool. Those three letters on the left sleeve are his. Ben Johnson's locker-room speech is just the family tradition.

Founder. Coach. Owner. Packers hater. GSH.

Monte Carlo Game Model · v3.2 · Updated just now

PFD Up-to-the-Minute Live Predictor

PFD simulates Sunday's game play by play, thousands of times, using each team's efficiency per play, success rate, pace, turnover luck, red-zone conversion and kickoff weather. Adjust the inputs and rerun to see how the projection moves. Projections refresh as injury reports and forecasts change.

Simulations

Kickoff weather, Lambeau Field

Model weighting

Home-field adjustment

Model inputs: offensive and defensive efficiency per play, success rate, explosive-play rate, pressure rate, turnover regression, special teams, rest days and travel. Calibrated weekly against closing lines.

Projected final · 10,000 simulations

Chicago Bears

Green Bay Packers

CHI 96.2%GB 3.8%

Model line CHI −17.5Total 46.5Confidence HighMargin of error ±0.4%

Projected Team Stats

Dear Minnow,

Dear Nicole,

Model Notes

Today's Meme

Required Viewing

Hall of Shame

The Meme Wall

Hand-crafted. Locally sourced. Gluten free, unlike every item sold at Lambeau.

Wildlife of Wisconsin · Observe From a Safe Distance

A Field Guide to the Packers Fan

Three common species, all found within 50 feet of a cheese curd. None of them have been right about anything since 2010.

Specimen A

The Cheesehead

Fromagius foamheadus

Habitat: Lambeau parking lot, 7 a.m., already three beers deep.
Call: "GO PACK GO," repeated until the fourth quarter, then silence.
Diet: Brats, curds, Miller Lite and excuses.
Fun fact: Voluntarily wears a triangle of foam cheese in public. Has a mortgage.

Specimen B

The Historian

Titletownus nostalgicus

Habitat: Any conversation about the current season, which he immediately steers to 1967.
Call: "We have thirteen titles." Can't name a player on any of those teams.
Diet: VHS tapes of Lombardi, Favre highlight reels, the past.
Fun fact: Describes Lambeau as "hallowed ground." It's a parking lot with a stadium in it.

Specimen C

The Shareholder

Ownerus delusionalis

Habitat: Framed stock certificate in the basement, next to the dehumidifier.
Call: "Well, technically I'm an owner." It's worth nothing. It pays nothing. He paid $300 for it.
Diet: Annual meeting snacks and a deep sense of importance.
Fun fact: Owns a piece of the team and still can't get anyone to fire the kicker.

Packers Fan Bingo

Bring this to work Monday. Tap a square every time a Packers fan says or does it. Five in a row wins. Minnow usually gets you a blackout by lunch.

0 squares marked

Internal Affairs

Known Packers Fans in the Workplace

HR has asked us to clarify that these are friendly assessments. HR is also a Bears fan.

Threat level: Moldy Cheese Curd

Minnow

Species: Bottom-feeder. Even other fish think he's too small to bother with. The perfect Packers fan.
Known for: Yelling "Titletown" like he personally won something. The only thing Minnow has ever won is a participation ribbon, and he still brings it up.
Football IQ: Lower than the foam wedge on his head. The wedge has never once predicted a Packers win, so it's already smarter than Minnow.
Coping method: Lives in 1996 full-time. His Favre jersey has been worn so many times it's legally a rag. He still won't wash it, "for luck." That's working great.
Monday forecast: Shows up late, "had internet issues," claims he "didn't even watch." He watched. He cried. His neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Prediction record: Worse than a coin flip, worse than a Magic 8 Ball, worse than a Packers kicker from 45 yards. Statistically the least reliable source in the building.
Fan loyalty: Says he'd "never" switch teams. Nobody asked. No team would take him.
Recommended action: Cheese grater on his keyboard. Box score taped to his monitor, his car window and his coffee mug. Say "31–27" every time he walks by. Let him sit in it.

Sweetheart · Terrible Judgment

Nicole

Species: A genuinely nice person who looked at all 32 NFL teams and picked the one that sells foam cheese. We're still processing it.
Known for: Being kind, thoughtful, and somehow fine spending every Sunday surrounded by grown men in dairy hats. Including Minnow. By choice.
Coping method: Smiles and says "it's just a game." It's not just a game, Nicole. That's denial, and it's the most Green Bay thing about you.
Monday forecast: Will say "good game" like she means it, then quietly hide the Packers mug in her drawer until Thursday. We see the mug, Nicole.
Worst habit: Defending Minnow's takes out of pure kindness. Nobody should have to do that. Not even a Packers fan.
Recommended action: One last chance to convert. The bandwagon has a seat for her, but it's filling up and we're not holding it forever.

    Bear
    the fuck
    down.
  